Having recently celebrated our first wedding anniversary, I wanted to learn how my husband and I could help immunize ourselves from future strains and stresses on our marriage. Since we inherit most of our conceptions of marriage from our families, peers and social groups, I was drawn to Tara Parker-Pope's scientific exploration of relationships in For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage. After her 17-year marriage ended, the New York Times Well Blog columnist Parker-Pope sought an objective, fact-based understanding of what went wrong in her own relationship. Whether you think of your significant other as your soul mate, life partner, husband or wife, Parker-Pope offers insights to help you strengthen your most profound relationship in life.
最近我和丈夫剛剛慶祝了第一個結婚週年紀念日，我想學習一下我們如何才能避免未來婚姻中的磕磕絆絆。由於我們大多數有關婚姻的觀點都繼承自我們家人、同輩朋友和社會群體，因此當我最近讀到塔拉·帕克·蒲伯的《期待更好：幸福婚姻的科學》一書時，我被書中對婚姻關係的科學探索所吸引。在結束了17年的婚姻之後，這位《紐約時報》的部落格專欄作家開始尋找對於自身戀愛關係中的問題的客觀有事實根據的理解。不論你對你的靈魂伴侶、生活搭檔還是丈夫或妻子，這些重要的另一半怎麼看，帕克·蒲伯所提供的深刻見解都能幫助你增強生活中最深遠的那層關係。
If you are in a new and thriving marriage, a fulfilling partnership of many years, or evaluating whether you want to take the next step, Parker-Pope's tips from "For Better" will help you maintain, booster or rekindle the relationship bliss:
不論你是正享受甜蜜的新婚，還是經營了多年的幸福婚姻，抑或正在盤算是否要進行下一步，那麼帕克·蒲伯在本書中提供的小貼士會幫助你維持、增進或者重新點燃你的幸福愛情。
1. Celebrate the small stuff.
慶祝點滴小事。
"It's not enough that your partner knows that you take pride in her or her accomplishments. You have to show it. Making a fuss over the small, good things that happen every day can boost the health of your marriage."
“如果你的伴侶只知道你為她或者她的才能而驕傲，這還不夠。你必須將此表現出來。多挖掘每天發生的微小的美好的事情，這會促進婚姻的健康發展。”
2. Learn how to fight productively.
學會如何有效地爭吵。
"The key to fighting productively is to recognize when a disagreement is going in the wrong direction and to take steps to calm things down and repair rifts."
“有效爭吵的關鍵在於，認識到爭論是在何時偏離了方向，並且採取措施讓事情平靜下來並修復分歧。”
3. Silence is not golden.
沉默並非是金。
"By staying quiet and avoiding conflict when things bothered them, they had missed important opportunities to cultivate and grow their relationship."
“如果出現困擾時仍保持安靜、避免衝突，那麼他們就失去了滋養感情和增進感情的重要機會。”
4. Don't put negative thoughts into the universe.
不要總是有消極想法。
"Men and women who had pondered thoughts of divorce in 1980 were nine times more likely to have gotten divorced by the end of the study."
“在1980年開始的一項研究中，曾有過離婚想法的男女，到研究結束時離婚的可能性是其他人的9倍。”
5. Plan together.
一起計劃。
"Couples who planned a baby's arrival or who were equally joyous at becoming parents were far more likely to maintain their marital happiness or even enjoy an increase after the baby was born."
“計劃生育寶寶或是同樣滿足於為人父母的夫妻更易保持婚姻幸福，有的在寶寶出生後婚姻幸福感得到了提升。”
6. Maintain a circle of friends and support.
維持朋友圈和給予支援。
"Strong friendships outside the marriage can take the pressure off your relationship, help you work things out away from your spouse, and ultimately protect your marriage from unnecessary stress and discord."
“婚姻之外牢固的友誼能減輕你因愛情所承受的壓力，幫助你在不依靠伴侶的情況下解決問題，最終保護你的婚姻免受不必要的壓力與不和。”
7. Overcompensate for mistakes.
過度補償錯誤。
"Do marriage math. Even when you make a mistake, tell yourself that you're going to do at least five positive things for your spouse to make up for it, and then do them. And don't wait until you bicker to turn on the charm. Nice gestures and comments go far in a marriage, they are easy to do, and they will help insulate your marriage from being damaged by the inevitable bad days."
“做一下這道關於婚姻的數學題。當你犯了錯誤，告訴自己你要對伴侶做至少5件積極的事情來補償，然後照做。不要等到你們發生了口角才來展現你的魅力。優美的姿態和言語在婚姻中十分奏效，這很容易做到，它們還有助於使你的婚姻免遭不可避免的壞情緒日子的侵害。”
8. Set the marriage bar high.
設高婚姻的門檻。
"Husbands and wives who hold their partners to a reasonably high standard have better marriages. If you expect a better, more satisfying relationship, you improve your chances of having one."
“將伴侶的檔次提升到合理高度的夫妻會有更幸福的婚姻。如果你期望有一段更美好、更令自己滿意的婚姻關係，那麼你就要提升擁有它的可能性。”
9. Give it a break.
給婚姻適當的空間。
"Sometimes, improving your marriage means giving it a break. Increasing your connections with family, friends and society is good for your marriage."
“有時候，改善婚姻品質意味著給它一些空間。增加你跟家人、朋友和社會的聯繫對婚姻有好處。”
10. Be aware of your body language.
注意你的肢體語言。
"Eye rolling is a painfully obvious sign of contempt, and it's a powerful predictor that your relationship is in serious trouble.
“轉眼珠的動作非常明顯地表現出了蔑視，這強有力地預示了你的婚姻關係陷入了大麻煩。”（來源：滬江英語網）
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